Twilight Incident

In work today, something nearly made me physically sick.

I work in a jewellers and, today, a woman came in with her mother and her 13-year-old son, looking for a longer charm bracelet than the one she was wearing. She wanted to add more charms and there wasn't enough room on the bracelet she owned.

While looking at the selection my supervisor showed her, she proudly displayed her original charm bracelet and said, "It's my Twilight bracelet!"

My supervisor said, pleasantly, "Ah, really?"

The woman giddily went on: "I've got the wolf head. I've got the bat. I've got the heart. And I need to get this one for her graduation ... And this one for the wedding night because he gives her a special charm in the book but I can't put it on the bracelet yet because I have to wait for the film release ... And I've got all the books ... And loads of posters up ... "

Yeah, it didn't end there.

I could help but look at her 13-year-old son with pity.

It's one thing to be a fan of a series of books ... even if they're not actually aimed at your age group. (My darling friend, Michelle, could tell you all about that. ;-) )

It's even fair enough to get excited about the release of the film adaptations of your favourite books. (I mean, christ, I couldn't stop jumping around waiting for the release of The Time Traveler's Wife adaptation.)

But ... to be a forty-something year-old woman who collects shit like this and gushes in such a sickening way as though Twilight will forever go down in history as THE. BEST. STORY. EVER! is ridiculous.

I could forgive 'tweens and young teenagers for pulling this kind of stuff off. I mean, the series is written for them and I remember how unbelievably crazy I was for Leonardo DiCaprio after the release of Romeo + Juliet and Titanic. That's just what teens do. They collect tokens of their devotion towards some poor sod under contract to act as the perfect boyfriend figure in public.


But, seriously ... It's unbelievably sad how many women there are who look at the Twilight series - those stories about a sparkly emo vampire and an emotionally retarded teen - as though it symbolises something missing from their lives.

Really?

I can understand that this sounds completely horrible to this customer but I don't care. This wasn't just "I'm a fan" or "I'm a big fan". It wasn't even "I love this series so much!" This was take-my-breath-away, glazed-eyes swooning over the name of it. I wondered what her 13-year-old boy thought about it ... considering he probably goes to school with a bazillion fans too.

I was listening to a recent Hamish and Andy podcast and they had loads of guys phone in about how they'd had girlfriends dump them after watching Twilight.

Yeah, so I don't know what my point is.

Probably that anyone over the age of 21 who finds themselves spazzing out like this needs to get a grip. ... And maybe a boyfriend. ... And a life.

:P

I'm leaving you with this because it's just hilarious.

A fan of the series recorded their reaction to the New Moon teaser trailer last year. That was hilarious enough because she couldn't care less how geeky she looks (Good on 'er!).

But then this group of guys filmed themselves watching her.

Oh, hilarity ensues.